Dear Diary

(I joined WW last week; today will be my first "results" weigh-in.)

I’m going to have to resist psyching myself out this time around: worrying about how much my clothes weigh, worrying about how much I eat before each meeting, wanting to weigh myself at home, then obsessing over how that weight will compare with my weight at meeting.

    Clothes: Till I get down to the bitter end, an ounce or two between these pants and those pants really doesn’t matter.  Right now my struggle isn’t one of ounces but of behaviors.  This time around I made the decision that I’m going to wear my running shoes for every weigh-in.

    breakfast: My breakfasts are generally healthy, and one of the teachings of WW is to eat breakfast daily.  By skipping breakfast on weigh-in day, I’d be starting my week at a disadvantage, throwing the baby out with the bath water.  So there’ll be breakfast, even on weigh-in day.

    weight at home:  It’s like trying to make Christmas happen sooner.  Sometimes the anticipation of a good number becomes overwhelming.  A simple solution to this: have the hubby hide the scale.  Again, I can’t achieve my goal by weighing myself obsessively.

My big fear is that I won’t know how to cope with those weeks when I lose no weight or even gain weight.  But that’s catastrophic thinking, creating drama in my mind.  Whether the scale shows a gain or a loss is beyond my control.  What is in my control is whether I live the lifestyle I’ve chosen: eating good food with good reason, and moving this body before I lose it.

How I Lost 100 Pounds: Seahorses

It's a little odd that I turned to exercising in the water as a last resort.  I love the water - ocean, lake, pond, rain, or tub.  I love seeing, hearing, touching, smelling and even tasting it.  I love water so much that I can't believe anything I do in it is exercise.

Stop by the pool on certain afternoons, look for the aqua jogger who's smiling till that smile erupts into laughter, and you've found me. 

Why am I smiling? 
* because I'm having so much fun moving without pain,
* because when I aqua jog from one side of the pool to the other I remember my babies tripping toward me, giggling all the way,
* because I feel the strength of my arms and legs pulling me through the water,
* because no one can see how much bouncing and jiggling is going on in my swimsuit,
* because I imagine I'm a silly seahorse, bobbing along.

You could say I went to the aqua jogging class kicking and screaming.  "It's not real exercise!" I thought to myself.  But I was wrong.  It is real exercise.  I can tell because when I get into the pool, the water's cold and I have energy to burn.  After 15 minutes the water feels almost stiflingly warm and I am pushing myself to keep my head above water.  (And it's a joyful pushing, with legs and core and arms.)

After just a couple weeks of aqua jogging I already feel stronger.  I'm overcoming nerve damage which had been overwhelming me.  The joy I feel in the pool translates into joy at home.  By wearing myself out during day, I sleep better at night.  Weakness is becoming strength, and lethargy is becoming energy.

How I Lost 100 Pounds: Wii Weekly!

700 days since I last used the Wii fit, and I still take offense when the little board sadly sighs "oh" when I step on.  Yeah, buddy, I'm back.

The good news: My Wii Fit age 7 years lower than my real age - YAY!

The bad news:  During those 700 days away, I've added more pounds than I'm willing to admit here.  And there's some work to be done:  

I didn't really need the TV to tell me I'm unbalanced.

Or that my personal best in boxing still has a ways to go.

Somehow I forgot about the Wii.  In all my swimming and biking and weightlifting, weigh-ins and bathroom scales and calorie counting, I forgot about the gem under the couch.  

I like Wii Fit.  It gives me messages like this when I do well...

(Okay, so that was on breathing.  I can breathe just 6 points shy of perfection!)

... and like this:

Yep, I'm a perfect stepper.

I like the feeling that I'm working out with a trainer, without the baggage that comes with working out at the gym -- you know what I'm talking about: membership fees, crowded locker rooms, transportation time.

I'm motivated by the progress charts, by the improvements I know are on the way, and by helpful messages like this:

 Yep, I can do better than that, and I'll hit it again tomorrow.  Wii!

How I lost 100 pounds: season 14

The premier of Season 14 of The Biggest Loser will air tonight.  I've been looking forward to it since this summer, when I wasn't chosen as a contestant.  I'm curious to see what the chosen people brought to the table, to hear their stories.

I'm doing a fair amount of what if I'd been selected?
What would I weigh now?
How would I have done in challenges?
Which would be my trainer?
What would my family and I have done without each other?
Would I be fighting back from my back injury?  Would it even have happened?

I'm also feeling that little bit of competition starting up again.  If I work really hard this week, how would a 1st all-out week compare against the contestants'?  Not much of a contest, since I won't be spending 6 hours a day in the gym; but still.

What if?

New Year

For the first time in a long time I've got a couple things to put on a new year's to-do list.

Let me pause though, and ask whether you're a glass-half-empty or glass-half-full kind of person.

Here's my glass.  

Looks pretty empty doesn't it?  Truth be told it's already pretty full.  First of all, it's filled with love.  It was inspired by Kathryn and given to me by Buffy.  

Second, it's filled with hope.  The idea is to fill it with slips of paper written upon with good things that happened each day.  You can't tell from the photo, but it's a big jar.  A lot of love.  A lot of hope.

It's also got a good base of m&ms.

m&ms make me happy.  I love their colors, their smooth texture, their clinking sound.  I also happen to not like to eat m&ms.  

Just imagine how beautiful this jar will look as the days and weeks go on in the year ahead.  Slips of happiness nestled among colors of happiness.

The other activity I'm embracing for the new year: starting each of my days with Namaste.  According to on-line sources, ;iterally it means "I bow to you."  Gandhi broadened it to "I honor the place within where the Universe resides; I honor the place within you of love, of light, of truth, of peace; I honor the place within you, where, when you are in that place in you, and I am in that place in me, there is only one of us."  I've often said it to canines and felines, and I've recently begun saying it to humans.  Now I'm going to say it to myself each day.  It's a powerful reminder to me of suffering which happens in the world, and of the great love and respect I wish to give all people, even myself.

Namaste.

Happy new year.

What to do, what to do?

It happens every time.  In the weeks leading up to the kids' break from school - whether summer, winter, or spring - I anticipate days of not worrying about school, deadlines, and other obligations.  I envision pajama days of a magically and healthfully filled refrigerator, well-balanced and nutritious meals that prepare themselves, laundry that keeps itself clean, folded, and stocked in drawers, and hour after hour of being merrily busy.

About halfway through the break, when I'm weary of chauffeuring and of living schedulessly at the whim of my kidlets, I find myself thinking "Why didn't I set plan time for me?"  I can eat in secret, read a stack of books, surf the web, or watch TV reruns, but none of those is what I want to do.  My body is stiff, my clothes are tight, and I'm feeling blah.  I want to feel alive again.

That's when I start making plans for the weeks ahead.  Looking through the class offerings of the YMCA I see titles like Step, Basic Strength Training, and Yoga.  I see Cardio & Strength, Jogging, and Boot Camp all listed in the water section!  I start comparing the times of the offered classes to the times I need to drop off or pick up from school.  How many classes can I squeeze in to my days?  How good will I feel after each class?  How awesome will it feel to start shedding, instead of packing on, pounds again?

I've got my water.  I've got my journal.  Now I've got to get some exercise.  Again.

How I Lost 100 Pounds, 12/20

First, it must be noted that drinking 8 oz. of water every half hour isn't a sustainable practice.  After the first few hours, I quickly decided to use my head rather than stick to a vow which didn't make sense.  The good news?  I'm back in the water habit!  Not 8 oz. every half hour, but definitely more often than before.

After plenty of hemming & hawing, tempted by the idea of "I'll just go back to WW!  They'll fix it!" I chose instead to purchase a food journal.  This is the one I bought.  Already on day one it's working.  Starting to journal what I eat reminds me to think twice before eating.  This morning I almost had my teeth into a cookie, I remembered the journal and my goal, and then I put the cookie down.  I'm reminded of the phrase Don't trade what you want most for what you want right now.

The journal also made me finally make time to get to the grocery store for fresh fruit.  I can't remember the last time my breakfast included fruit or veggies.

I'm thankful for all that I learned in WW.  Now I need to keep tapping into those lessons and stand on my own two feet. 

water -- check.
food tracking -- check.