June 14: a different kind of workout

  Today's going to be a forced day off from training.  The cause is not an injury, thank goodness, but a realization that I haven't taken a day off since June 5 (it's best to take one day of rest each week) and that I need to get my act together as far as having my kids home from school with me for the summer.

 

  I struggle with the usual mommy angst: being a good mom but wanting to break out of routine.  Our kids are too young to be left alone while I jaunt off to do something fun for me, and I'm reluctant to look for someone to watch the kids if there's nothing I need to get done.  They're my kids and my responsibility to be with them.  My husband's already working two jobs; I feel like a spoiled brat for wanting the luxury of me time.

 

  And yet I want it.

 

  I struggle with finding activities that interest an age range spanning from 3-11 plus 37, and that can be started or stopped at the drop of a hat as other playmates wander through.  I struggle and struggle, then find myself crying in the laundry room or looking for food to numb the bewilderment and fatigue.

 

  Do I get time for me?  Yes, absolutely.  In these early hours I have time to exercise or write or read.  It's my choice to exercise rather than do something imaginative like window shop.  And on days when I'm lucky, even my littlest will play with the neighbor kids for fifteen minutes before running back to wrap herself around my leg.  In those minutes, the easiest task to complete is eating something, making something disappear.  It's way harder to cut fabric strips or sew pieces together; it's less tempting to fold laundry again or to pick up the clutter again.

 

  So since I'm taking a day off from the gym, I'm going to see about taking things step by step.  Maybe I'll clear the kitchen table entirely (again) so the kids can have their meals & snacks there.  Then I can have the dining table set up all day with my sewing toys, allowing me to sneak in some moments of progress and eventually be able to show some accomplishment in something.  What I'd love to do is just go to a non-grocery store and simply look around and see things and get new ideas.

 

  I'll also continue to cherish this struggle: the struggle of having my kids so much a part of my life.  The days when they'll grow up and move on draw ever closer on the horizon, and I want to be happy and healthy with them while they're still close to the shores of home.

 

~Karin

June 13: back to work

  My gastro-indulgent weekend is behind me. Or perhaps given the sugar, salt, and fat I consumed, it's still with me.  Either way, I've given myself strict instruction to return to healthy eating today.  Somehow or other I'm going to make that lunchtime salad be just as appetizing as a hot dog fresh off the barbecue and that ambrosia.

 

  Yesterday morning I challenged myself to bike 12 miles, which is roughly what I'll be doing on that not-so-distant July morning.  I identified little quirks to deal with, and felt good overall.

 

  This morning I worked my first brick.  A brick, I've learned, is triathlon-ese for doing 2 of the 3 events.  So this morning I did a swim-bike brick.  I swam with my tri-shorts on over my suit, then biked soaking wet for just 6 miles.  I don't know whether I should have biked all 12 today, but today I made the choice to bike for 6 miles and I'm happy with it.

 

  Halfway through yesterday's 12-mile ride and near the end of today's 6-mile ride today, my stomach requested attention.  Yesterday being part of a gluttonous weekend, I fed it with a homemade trail cookie (raisins, peanuts, m&ms, and of course lots of sugar, butter and flour).  Today, getting myself back on the straight & narrow, I'm thinking Greek yogurt with grape nuts mixed in is the way to go.

 

  ~Karin

June 11: Sugarland & Shakespeare

"Hard to beat an incredible machine,

made of blood and love and hope and lust and steam."

– Sugarland

 

  Today was my long jog day: thirteen laps around the track.  I'm dismayed to find that though I've increased the distance of jog and decreased the distance of walk, my overall time increased!  I have visions of being the last pirate to finish, with the volunteers picking up traffic cones behind me as I make my way toward the finish line.  There's no shame in finishing last, but I'd really rather finish unobtrusively in the middle.

 

  Several times during today's jog, I found myself close to tears.  I remembered elementary school gym classes: running a mile with a cramp in my side after my classmates had already finished.  I was moved by the lyrics in "Defying Gravity": "Everyone deserves a chance to fly!... to those who'd ground me, take a message back from me, Tell them how I am defying gravity, I'm flying high defying gravity."  I thought about the fact that the only person in my life who would try to ground me is me: the pessimistic voice in my head.  I've got support out the wazoo!  That thought overwhelmed me. 

"You may never know how far that you can go

till someone lifts your feet up off the ground."

– Sugarland

 

  Toward the end of my jog, I passed a man who'd just started walking the track.  He asked how I was, and I panted "tired."  He gave me two thumbs up and congratulated me for being there, and I jogged along and discovered the danger of simultaneously crying and jogging.  My throat started closing up!  Luckily I had water with me so I took a sip, practiced the breathing I use to stop cramps in my side, and soon was in control of myself again.

 

  A profoundly deep jog.  And yet as Shakespeare's Hamlet reminds me, none of this is to be taken too deep to heart: 

"What a piece of work is a man,

how noble in reason,

how infinite in faculties,

in form and moving how express and admirable,

in action how like an angel,

in apprehension how like a god!

the beauty of the world,

the paragon of animals—

and yet, to me, what is this quintessence of dust?"

 

~Karin

June 10

  In the midst of weightlifting yesterday, I talked to my trainer about how long it takes me to do a mile.  He said, "It won't take that long when you're jogging," to which I ruefully replied, "That is when I'm jogging."  J 

 

  So in addition to building up my endurance to jog 5K at all, I'm working at moving up from a snail's pace to a turtle's pace (and keeping an eye out for athletic turtle sportswear).  I shaved a minute off my time today, and did so without the aid of music (where is my mp3 player?) and without any knee pain (woohoo!).

 

  This was after waking up early on my own, and lying in bed for 10 minutes, telling myself I was too tired to go to the Y.  But my exercise brain wouldn't be silenced, and the rest of my morning is history.

 

  Oh, and my eating has been spot on.  I'm relieved to see that despite no longer attending Weight Watchers meetings, I've incorporated their lessons into my daily life.  I'm not saying it'll last forever, but I'm learning to stand on my own two feet.

 

~Karin

June 9: Inspiration

  I'm really proud of navigating a recent off-kilter stretch.  Yesterday morning I got to the gym to realize that in my helter-skelterness I'd put my shirt on inside-out and was wearing two different kinds of sock.  My knee hurt when I jogged and was a little wobbly the rest of the day, and overall yesterday was just one of those days.

 

  Yesterday afternoon a friend invited me for an early morning bike ride today; naturally I said yes.  I laughed when I said to my husband that I felt like a dog going for a walk – not sure where I'd be going, but happy that someone would take me.  By bedtime though I was overtired and rethinking the bike ride idea.

 

  I slept badly all night, and when it was finally time to get out of bed, I was tired.  Blessedly, it turns out that due to a thunderstorm, my friend and I had to reschedule.  So I took a look at my weary face in the mirror and went back to bed.

 

  Today, being Thursday, is weightlifting day.  I assure you that I wanted no part of it.  I'm tired, exhausted, overwhelmed, and in dire need of stress relief, good luck, and a break.  But I evaluated how my body felt, and it felt traitorously up to the task of a workout, so I had no real excuse to skip out.

 

  I warmed up with a half hour bike ride, then met up with my trainer.  It's a darn good thing I didn't know what I was in for, or I'd never have gone to the gym today!  He wiped the floor with me!  At one point during endless shoulder work, I was listening to the sound of angels calling to me from the pearly gates. I asked David, "Am I ever going to get any stronger?"  He replied that we were working on muscular endurance.  Oh.  Well then.  Carry on with torturing me.

 

  I'd told David that I was training for the Pirate Triathlon, told him about the lake swim and all the rest.  Now he's making sure that my muscles are up to the challenge of endurance.  While part of me thinks it was really stupid to give David a reason to work me even harder than he has up to this point, the more mature and athletic part of me is grateful for his knowledge and encouragement.

 

  Bob Harper from The Biggest Loser worked with me today, too.  During wall sits, at which I'm becoming a pro, I wasn't thinking about my legs muscles, but about Bob telling me to focus on my breathing.  I took deep breaths in, and exhaled slowly.  Before I knew it, three sets of I-have-no-idea-how-long were done.

 

  When I got home I found my clothes and knee brace soaked through with sweat.  Only now that I've fed my muscles some milk and peanut butter am I starting to rejuvenate.  It's a good thing too, because school's out.

 

  Today was another lesson in "just do it" – just go to the gym if my body feels uninjured and capable.  And it was another lesson in "you really are strong, you really can endure."

 

  Now to reschedule our bike ride!

  

~Karin

June 8: I jogged a mile!

  So the good news is that I jogged a mile this morning on the treadmill!  Taking my lesson from the outdoor track, I slowed down to what is for me a sustainable pace.  I'd started by thinking I'd just jog 3 minutes, which turned into 5 minutes, which turned into 10, which turned into a mile.

 

  The bad news is that soon thereafter my knee started hurting enough that I got off the treadmill and onto an elliptical machine.  That wasn't much better, nor was walking back to my car.  So I'm sitting here with an ice pack on my knee and believing that I'll be able to find the secret to keeping my knee happy while training for and completing the Pirate Triathlon. 

 

  My eating has been pretty good; there's been a great influx of cherries, thanks to some really good cherries at Marc's (thanks for the tip, Mom).  Yesterday and the day before, I was craving salt, so maybe I'll spend a few minutes browsing the internet for likely causes of salt cravings.

 

  By Friday morning, one of my biggest challenges will take shape: my children's schooling will be done till August.  It'll be time for me to adjust to the changes that go along with having my kidlets around all day – enduring their little tiffs, their summer-long requests for ice cream, the boredom that sets in after weeks of being assignment-free. Thankfully, my kids are also really great kids, and usually everything can be made right by a trip to the pool.  I'm already working out how I might be able to swim laps during the kids' rest periods.

 

  Jogging, diet, kids' summer break – they're all challenges which I can handle well if I prepare myself and stay positive.

 

~Karin

June 6: Weekend book ban

  This morning I've mandated a personal ban, or at least a weekend moratorium, on books about triathlons.  I'm eager and excited until I crack open books about them; then I come away with all manner of catastrophic triathlon images in my mind.  This is one of those cases where ignorance is bliss. 

 

  On the other hand, I'm perfectly welcome to talk with people who have participated before, and to read up on how to improve my skills.  Take swimming, for example.  Over the weekend I watched a couple on-line training videos and read about improving speed (I'm going for efficiency) in the water.  I absorbed the lessons and practiced this morning.  The result: I can now pretty comfortably breathe to my left or right in my stroke!    

 

  My plan is to continue with my training schedule (which is evolving), learn what I can to increase my endurance and efficiency, and make sure I've got my equipment in good order (thank you for installing my kick stand and new hand grips, O Wonderful One!).

 

  Here's a fantastic accomplishment:  Even as recently as last Friday, my neighborhood jogging goal was to reach the lamppost in front of #94.  Know what I did?  Immediately after this morning's bike/swim/bike combo, I jogged past it!  I jogged all the way to the end of my street, walked the end cap, and then jogged all the way home.  I'm planning to measure the distance around the block so I can calculate how many laps it would take to cover a mile (or 3.1), though I'm likely to lose count well before I reach that many laps.

 

  So the lesson here is the same as I've found it to be in Lighten Up, Weight Watchers, and life in general: focus on me and what I need to do, and keep it positive. Put my oxygen mask on first.  Believe it, be it.  Just do it.  It's meant to be, and it's up to me.

 

~Karin