That's IT!
Ladies & Gentlemen, a lesson has worked its way through my skull. Longtime readers may remember my Year of Karin: twelve months when I put myself first and was super cautious about volunteering. During those months I was healthier than I'd been in a long time.
Since that Year of Karin ended in October, I've added a lot of weight to my frame. First there was surgery recovery which derailed my workouts. Then family, school, church, and community demands crept over me like ivy. Add some holidays and cold weather, a verbalized UNrecognition and an unspoken lack of support for projects I'd taken on, along with the demands of my new venture; couple these with a recognition that my family -- my husband, my kids, me -- are getting the short end of the stick... even my clothes are turning up the pressure.
Well, enough is enough.
I hereby declare the Life of Karin.
The world is on notice. I'm going to be selfish, just like my counselor advised me all those months ago. Other people can step up and volunteer. If organizations can't run without me, then they won't run. And the fact is, I'm pretty sure they can run without me. I can't run around trying to save the whole world while killing myself; I need to work on my corner of the world, ' planting my own garden and decorating my own soul' (V. Shoftstall).
There will still be volunteering & community in my future -- but out of love and belief, not out of obligation.
Life's short, my time with my family grows shorter.
I'm not going to waste precious time.
Monday, March 26, 2012
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Gifts, Part 2
Have you ever had someone take issue with your words? Believe it or not, it's happened to me once or twice. Shocking, I know.
The time about which I'm writing here concerns words I once wrote in this blog. You're welcome to look them up, but for our purposes I'll be content with summing it up. I had written something like "I shudder to think what people think of me..."
A dear, wonderful, and loving Friend read that and wasn't about to let me get away with it. She wasn't about to let me assign to the eyes and minds of others any ridicule of me.
And she went behind my back and asked people who know me to describe me. And then a flick of her magic wand...
No, it wasn't as easy as that. She carved out time from her very busy life with her very busy family at a very busy time of year, and invested that time, along with her talent and treasure, in me. My own caretaker, my steward.
In the 12 Days of Christmas, she presented me with the fruits her labor. Here it is:
The time about which I'm writing here concerns words I once wrote in this blog. You're welcome to look them up, but for our purposes I'll be content with summing it up. I had written something like "I shudder to think what people think of me..."
A dear, wonderful, and loving Friend read that and wasn't about to let me get away with it. She wasn't about to let me assign to the eyes and minds of others any ridicule of me.
And she went behind my back and asked people who know me to describe me. And then a flick of her magic wand...
No, it wasn't as easy as that. She carved out time from her very busy life with her very busy family at a very busy time of year, and invested that time, along with her talent and treasure, in me. My own caretaker, my steward.
In the 12 Days of Christmas, she presented me with the fruits her labor. Here it is:
What you're looking at is a print, a composite of words people used to describe me. My friend tells me that the frequency with which the words were used correlates to the size of the font. That means the words that jump out of the print are the words most often said about me.
Wow.
I've been wanting for some time to publicly thank my Friend for everything this print stands for -- for all that went into it, and for all that it gives me on a daily basis. When doubt or self-loathing creeps in, I grab this lifeline of love and pull myself out.
Thank you, my Friend.
Gifts
I'd like to say that I was tidying the basement this morning, but the fact is that I was doing the pre-tidy stuff: going through boxes of things I've shoved out of sight real quick! before company arrived.
Here's a picture of something I discovered.
I saw it, and I recognized it as something having to do with 50. I asked myself, "Did someone give this to me when I turned 50?" Since I'm only (wait, let me do the math...) 38 years old, that wasn't likely.
Then I remembered: Oh yeah! I know what's in there:
Now don't go peein' your pants or planning to rob me: these aren't dubloons from a sunken chest.
These are 50 half-dollars. If you took 'em to the grocery store, you could use them to purchase twenty-five dollars' worth of goodies. These aren't hyper-valuable to the general population.
So why do I have them? Why have I kept them, rather than spend them?
They were a gift from my sister, a way to congratulate me and commemorate my losing 50 pounds. These coins are a symbol of her thoughtfulness, support, and love. And my holding on to them is my holding on to her thoughtfulness, support, and love.
Uncovering my 50 half-dollars reminds me that I lost 50 pounds, have kept most of them off, and can lose the more than 50 pounds I still have to go.
Here's a picture of something I discovered.
I saw it, and I recognized it as something having to do with 50. I asked myself, "Did someone give this to me when I turned 50?" Since I'm only (wait, let me do the math...) 38 years old, that wasn't likely.
Then I remembered: Oh yeah! I know what's in there:
Now don't go peein' your pants or planning to rob me: these aren't dubloons from a sunken chest.
These are 50 half-dollars. If you took 'em to the grocery store, you could use them to purchase twenty-five dollars' worth of goodies. These aren't hyper-valuable to the general population.
So why do I have them? Why have I kept them, rather than spend them?
They were a gift from my sister, a way to congratulate me and commemorate my losing 50 pounds. These coins are a symbol of her thoughtfulness, support, and love. And my holding on to them is my holding on to her thoughtfulness, support, and love.
Uncovering my 50 half-dollars reminds me that I lost 50 pounds, have kept most of them off, and can lose the more than 50 pounds I still have to go.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Springing Back to Life
If I could put a bumper sticker on my bicycle, it'd read something like this: "Want to stick it to the gas companies who are bleeding us dry while they feed off that blood? Ride a bicycle whenever possible. And always wear a helmet, even if you feel silly, because it sets a good example for little ones. And try to make sure your bike and helmet are American-made, or at least purchased from a local bicycle shop rather than a big box store."
This is why I don't write bumper stickers.
It's spring, and I weigh more than I did last fall (or last spring for that matter!). I've distracted myself with reading and learning new skills and undertaking some volunteer projects and eating whatever, wherever, whenever.
The good news is that I have a 3-legged dog who needs exercise, and a bike which is way less stinky and way more fun than a car. So at least I've been propelling myself once in a while. But I haven't *sigh* exercised (dripping with "Do I have to?").
If it weren't for Dear Laura tapping me on the shoulder today, I might have continued fattening myself up while spreading myself too thin.
If this blog weren't named after the contest from which it originated, it'd be called something like "Balancing Karin." That's what I need to work on. Balance. It keeps me up and going on my bike, it keeps my three-legged dog from tipping over, and it's the key to me being healthy in mind, body, and spirit.
This is why I don't write bumper stickers.
It's spring, and I weigh more than I did last fall (or last spring for that matter!). I've distracted myself with reading and learning new skills and undertaking some volunteer projects and eating whatever, wherever, whenever.
The good news is that I have a 3-legged dog who needs exercise, and a bike which is way less stinky and way more fun than a car. So at least I've been propelling myself once in a while. But I haven't *sigh* exercised (dripping with "Do I have to?").
If it weren't for Dear Laura tapping me on the shoulder today, I might have continued fattening myself up while spreading myself too thin.
If this blog weren't named after the contest from which it originated, it'd be called something like "Balancing Karin." That's what I need to work on. Balance. It keeps me up and going on my bike, it keeps my three-legged dog from tipping over, and it's the key to me being healthy in mind, body, and spirit.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Refrigerator Wisdom
From the magnets on my refrigerator:
Live life as if you were to die tomorrow,
Learn as if you were to live forever.
~Gandhi
Life the life you have imagined.
~Thoreau
Peace comes from within.
Do not seek it without.
~Buddha
Create.
You have the power to change the world for the better
~anonymous
Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.
~Walsch
Be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.
In the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.
~Ehrmann
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Forty Days
As a student in a Catholic elementary school, I was taught early on that there was a time every year when we were to promise to give up something we liked. There were always the clever ones who vowed to give up homework or cleaning their rooms, but by and large the most common jetsam on this holy voyage was candy.
When I was a bit older, we were taught that Lent wasn't about just giving up chocolate, but about finding a way to be closer to God. We were encouraged to still sacrifice, but also to add something for forty days: pray for a few minutes every day, help someone, or even go to Mass a little more often.
Older still, as I struggled with weight I toyed with the idea of using Lent as a Forty Day Holy Diet. After all, I could kill two birds with one stone: give up junk food, add exercise; eat less, move more -- and get Bonus Holy Points. But that idea didn't really sit well with my soul, seeming too trite.
Today it's Ash Wednesday again, and I'm surprised to find myself excited about Lent. It's no longer a time of giving up something just because someone said so, and it's no longer a time of saying prayers to please a distant god. At this place in my journey, I'm drawn to a universal language of creation and life and sacred.
This year I'm also not looking at Lent as Forty Days, but as an amount of time in which to live my life a little differently and to being open to the results. It's my hope that my physical journey will twine with my spiritual journey, and create something new and beautiful, something which my Creator, the One Who Gave Me Life, wants for me.
(For those unfamiliar with Ash Wednesday & Lent, here's a link to a very good 2-minute video clip about the two.)
When I was a bit older, we were taught that Lent wasn't about just giving up chocolate, but about finding a way to be closer to God. We were encouraged to still sacrifice, but also to add something for forty days: pray for a few minutes every day, help someone, or even go to Mass a little more often.
Older still, as I struggled with weight I toyed with the idea of using Lent as a Forty Day Holy Diet. After all, I could kill two birds with one stone: give up junk food, add exercise; eat less, move more -- and get Bonus Holy Points. But that idea didn't really sit well with my soul, seeming too trite.
Today it's Ash Wednesday again, and I'm surprised to find myself excited about Lent. It's no longer a time of giving up something just because someone said so, and it's no longer a time of saying prayers to please a distant god. At this place in my journey, I'm drawn to a universal language of creation and life and sacred.
This year I'm also not looking at Lent as Forty Days, but as an amount of time in which to live my life a little differently and to being open to the results. It's my hope that my physical journey will twine with my spiritual journey, and create something new and beautiful, something which my Creator, the One Who Gave Me Life, wants for me.
(For those unfamiliar with Ash Wednesday & Lent, here's a link to a very good 2-minute video clip about the two.)
Monday, February 20, 2012
Of Laces & Leashes
Our dog doesn't have as many legs as your average dog, so it's extremely important that she maintain low body fat and strong muscles, which translates into a healthy diet and plenty of exercise. Sound familiar?
In caring for my little tripod, I'm incidentally caring for myself. I'm approaching exercise with a new perspective. These days I'm not sentencing myself to day after tedious day at the gym, where I rely on a soundtrack to break up the boredom. With my dog, I've traded in my playlist of drum machines, synthesizers, and someone else's lyrics for a chirping robin, a crying seagull, and my own thoughts. And of course the jingle-jingle of tags, collar, and leash.
Heaven bless my husband for helping me give myself permission to not go to the gym every day. The gym is there for when I need it, which isn't necessarily every day. What matters to me is that I'm healthy, and for me health needs outdoor time.
Luckily for me, my dog and I need the same things: exercise, good food, love, play time, and discipline.
I'm looking forward to many more mornings of lacing up my shoes despite my dog's eager assistance, and to exploring Life together, joined to each other not just by our leash, but by so much more.
In caring for my little tripod, I'm incidentally caring for myself. I'm approaching exercise with a new perspective. These days I'm not sentencing myself to day after tedious day at the gym, where I rely on a soundtrack to break up the boredom. With my dog, I've traded in my playlist of drum machines, synthesizers, and someone else's lyrics for a chirping robin, a crying seagull, and my own thoughts. And of course the jingle-jingle of tags, collar, and leash.
Heaven bless my husband for helping me give myself permission to not go to the gym every day. The gym is there for when I need it, which isn't necessarily every day. What matters to me is that I'm healthy, and for me health needs outdoor time.
Luckily for me, my dog and I need the same things: exercise, good food, love, play time, and discipline.
I'm looking forward to many more mornings of lacing up my shoes despite my dog's eager assistance, and to exploring Life together, joined to each other not just by our leash, but by so much more.
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