Happily I ran into Laura this morning at the Y. We talked about this & that, and she reminded me of something I really needed to hear: I only have to track my food intake on the days I want to lose weight. J
I had a good workout this morning, and yesterday's weightlifting has left its mark on my shoulders. For the first time in many days I can write: I'm looking forward to today.
~Karin
It would seem that though I've learning to deal with daily emotional eating issues, I still haven't mastered the ability to overcome it entirely. For the past week or so my eating hasn't been bad, but I haven't been able to get myself to track – I've actually stopped in the middle of tracking! My daughter leaves today for a weeklong overseas visit with relatives. As the one staying behind, it's ironic that I'm carrying more baggage than all the people on the plane combined! I've got all sorts of childhood abandonment issues; I'm worried about inappropriate airport security pat downs on my little girl and I'm worried that in our world of terror levels my little one might fall as an innocent victim of someone's blind hate; I'm worried that my youngest daughter will miss her big sister and that my son will feel jealous (though he went last year); I'm worried about what to do with my kids during spring break next week and how to keep my eating on track; I'm worried because freelance work has been nonexistent of late but bills have not; I'm worried because high school is just a couple years away for our eldest and preschool is just a couple months away for our youngest.
What's a person to do with such worry? I'm grateful that I've got weightlifting today – that will help focus my runaway thoughts. I'll publicly wish a very happy birthday to my sister and tell her I'm proud of her (Happy birthday, Kirs! I'm proud of you!). And I'll take a box or two of tissue with me for the drive to the airport. And I'll turn the negatives (my son will feel jealous) into positives (I get to spend extra time with my son who's getting older by the minute). And I'll track my food for the entire time my daughter's gone.
~Karin
Today was weightlifting class, and I've got the endorphins to prove it! J David put us through a technique called burnout, or ladders as my dad knows it. I won't bore you with all the ins and outs, but believe you me, it's hard sweaty, work and absolutely fantastic. AND I did this after a good cross-trainer workout. Thanks to "Paradise City" by Guns 'n Roses, I had burned it up, flying at 100!
I had needed to kick my backside today after feeling under the weather for the past couple days. There's nothing like a good round in the gym to make a head cold turn tail and run!
This most excellent workout was marred by the absence of my workout buddy who was badly burned this weekend. Class wasn't the same without her, but until she can be with us lifting again, I'll lift for her, too.
~Karin
April 11
Ugh! Either the warm weather has brought my allergies into full bloom or I'm succumbing to the virus that's been giving everyone head colds. Either way, I don't like it. Nonetheless, I got myself to the gym this morning and I'm glad that I did. My eating got out of whack last week, and I'm scratching and clawing my way back to the straight & narrow, not yet panicking over the fact that I'm showing NO LOSS at all since the last weigh-in. I've got no choice but to figure this out.
~KarinWhen I hugged my Youngest One this morning, I breathed a prayer of thanks that I never mailed my application to be a contestant on The Biggest Loser. I filled it out more than a year ago and even filmed the required video to accompany the paperwork. The appliaction helped me take a good long look at myself. There were questions about my passions and accomplishments, how others would describe my good & bad qualities, how my weight impacted my life, what would be the best thing about being at a healthy weight, and more. I completed the application several times, giving thought to my answers and being open with myself and about myself.
But little snafus kept preventing me from submitting my application. Looking back now, though I'd still be excited by the whole Biggest Loser experience, I can't stomach the thought of being away from my family for so long. Some of those contestants are away from home and loved ones for months on end. Life at home could certainly go on without me, but I wouldn't want that to happen.
The reason I want so much to lose weight is the very reason I couldn't send in that application: I want to be healthy with my family. Therefore I'm extremely grateful for Lighten Up. I'm having some of the contest experience, but doing so in harmony with my life. I don't have elite trainers and 24-hour access to a gym, but I do have the Euclid YMCA, Euclid Creek, the Metroparks, and my neighborhood sidewalks. I don't have a medical staff monitoring my every move, but I do have a library and computer chockful of information I can learn. Bonus: I have supportive friends and role models, and I get to transform my self alongside my loved ones.
I am capable of achieving a healthy weight and am fortunate enough to have such a supportive group of people in my life that I don't need to be removed from them in order to achieve that weight. How grateful I am.
Since I can't remember the last day I didn't exercise my body (and since my hamstrings are still tight from yesterday), I'm switching gears, giving my body a break, and exercising my brain instead.
First, I have to say how proud I am of yesterday. As the PTA president at my daughter's school, I spent the day anxious and worried about the evening's event. Would it go well? Had I forgotten any details? Did I have back-up plans? I actually awoke very early, but (as I mentioned yesterday) managed to talk myself through my nerves. As the day went on, since I had my head screwed on straight I didn't dive for refuge in food. I think the event went really well, and I'm pleased that I was able to handle a medium-stress day so well.
Today I'm working on various projects for schools, church, and my community. I played games with my Littlest One and am making plans for other things I'm looking forward to with my family. And much to my dismay as I work through some of the more challenging projects, I find myself thinking "I could go for some milk & graham crackers." But now that I recognize that impulsive snacking for what it is, an avoidance tool, I'm not falling into that trap. I'm burning fewer calories today, so I certainly don't need to consume extra calories. See? I'm learning!
It feels good to stretch my brain beyond calories, reps, incline, and tension. And I'd better do it today because tomorrow I'm going to need to focus on weightlifting. I appreciate all the opportunities I've been blessed with.
~Karin
