For me, healthy eating is like riding The Spider at old Geauga Lake Park – up and down and around and around. There's the ground I see below: calories in/calories out. There's the stationary center of the ride: tracking. And then there's me in the car at the end of the spider's foot, spinning and flying, sometimes aware of the ground, sometimes aware of the center which holds the legs together, but far too often disoriented by the highs and lows and the endless spinning caused by demands made on me by family, friends, church, school, and community. I can go for days and weeks able to not merely ride, but master and thrill to the ride. Eventually though I get so dizzy from being tossed about from request to request that I lose sight of all of it.
The past few weeks have been filled with spinning, practically careening out of control. And somewhere in my mind I'm reaching for the center, for the ground. It's one thing to get on an amusement park ride for the fun of it; to be stuck on the ride is quite another. I'm searching to find the calm which will help me to plan & track my eating. Lately I haven't wanted to track because even the paper and my handwriting distract me. I haven't had a moment's peace, and it shows. Everyone wants something from me, and all I want is to find that center of calm again, and to maneuver the ups and downs and spins without losing sight of the ground, the center, and me.
It occurs to me that people use rolled up newspapers to smash spiders (though I prefer to carry the spiders outside). Perhaps I need to use this newspaper, this newspaper's contest as well as a tracker as tools to halt the spinning feet of my spider ride.
~Karin
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