It'd have been so easy to go to sleep last night with a goal of sleeping soundly so that I could do everything everyone expects of me today. Instead, I went to bed with the goal of waking up early. I bet you know where this is going. In an answer to my soul's request of the universe, my Friend agreed to meet me at the gym at 5:30 this morning. I checked the clock at 3:30 and at 4:30, and finally got out of bed at 4:45.
When I arrived at the parking lot I was thinking about how very cold and dark it was outside. Then I saw that my Friend was there, and I forgot about the cold and dark.
We chatted into the gym where we exercised and talked.
And when we were done, my Friend asked if I'd like to do this again tomorrow. Oddly enough, the answer is yes. However, I asked her to please not call me if she wants to cancel; I'm still at the "I'll do it if you'll do it" phase. I'm afraid that if she doesn't go, I won't. I'd slip into "I need some rest so I can endure another day of doing what everyone else wants of me."
It's really hard to break the emotional chains of people pleasing. I'm working on it though, and in the process I'm grateful for all my buddies & Friends who lead by example, lend me a shoulder, give me a kick in the pants, and journey with me.
PS: My goal for today is to eat healthy. I've even logged into my online tracker!
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Monday, March 26, 2012
The Life of Karin
That's IT!
Ladies & Gentlemen, a lesson has worked its way through my skull. Longtime readers may remember my Year of Karin: twelve months when I put myself first and was super cautious about volunteering. During those months I was healthier than I'd been in a long time.
Since that Year of Karin ended in October, I've added a lot of weight to my frame. First there was surgery recovery which derailed my workouts. Then family, school, church, and community demands crept over me like ivy. Add some holidays and cold weather, a verbalized UNrecognition and an unspoken lack of support for projects I'd taken on, along with the demands of my new venture; couple these with a recognition that my family -- my husband, my kids, me -- are getting the short end of the stick... even my clothes are turning up the pressure.
Well, enough is enough.
I hereby declare the Life of Karin.
The world is on notice. I'm going to be selfish, just like my counselor advised me all those months ago. Other people can step up and volunteer. If organizations can't run without me, then they won't run. And the fact is, I'm pretty sure they can run without me. I can't run around trying to save the whole world while killing myself; I need to work on my corner of the world, ' planting my own garden and decorating my own soul' (V. Shoftstall).
There will still be volunteering & community in my future -- but out of love and belief, not out of obligation.
Life's short, my time with my family grows shorter.
I'm not going to waste precious time.
Ladies & Gentlemen, a lesson has worked its way through my skull. Longtime readers may remember my Year of Karin: twelve months when I put myself first and was super cautious about volunteering. During those months I was healthier than I'd been in a long time.
Since that Year of Karin ended in October, I've added a lot of weight to my frame. First there was surgery recovery which derailed my workouts. Then family, school, church, and community demands crept over me like ivy. Add some holidays and cold weather, a verbalized UNrecognition and an unspoken lack of support for projects I'd taken on, along with the demands of my new venture; couple these with a recognition that my family -- my husband, my kids, me -- are getting the short end of the stick... even my clothes are turning up the pressure.
Well, enough is enough.
I hereby declare the Life of Karin.
The world is on notice. I'm going to be selfish, just like my counselor advised me all those months ago. Other people can step up and volunteer. If organizations can't run without me, then they won't run. And the fact is, I'm pretty sure they can run without me. I can't run around trying to save the whole world while killing myself; I need to work on my corner of the world, ' planting my own garden and decorating my own soul' (V. Shoftstall).
There will still be volunteering & community in my future -- but out of love and belief, not out of obligation.
Life's short, my time with my family grows shorter.
I'm not going to waste precious time.
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