A Good Exercise

  It’s good to sometimes be asked “Why do you want to lose weight?”  It’s a question Weight Watchers asks of its new members, and it’s a question on the application for The Biggest Loser.  I just filled in and submitted that application, knowing there’s no way I can be chosen since I have no DVD of myself to submit. 

  (Perhaps there’s a safety in knowing I won’t be chosen.  If I’m not chosen, I don’t have to be away from my family for months on end, and I don’t have to worry about seeing myself on film.  Despite my best efforts at positive self talk, while I’m able to see some strength when I look at my reflection in the mirror, when I think of how the world sees me, I shudder.)

  On the application for The Biggest Loser, I found two questions: Why do you want to lose weight NOW?  And Why do you want to be on The Biggest Loser?

  Think about it.  Sure, many of us want to lose weight, but why NOW?  I’ve already begun doing things which 50 additional pounds and lower self esteem previously kept me from doing.  I wear swimsuits in public, I ride at amusement parks, I completed a triathlon.

  Why do I want to lose weight NOW?  I want my body shape to be different that’s for sure.  More than that: I want to improve at and enjoy activities like swimming and biking.  I want to know that rather than wonder if I’ll fit in the harness at the Rock Gym or through turn styles or in a stadium seat.  I want to continue the process to internal peace.

  Why do I want to be on The Biggest Loser?  It’s easier to think of why I don’t want to be on the show.  Number One is that I don’t like to think of my family living without me, the stress it would put on their schedules and emotions.  Number Two is that I would fear exposure to ridicule and mass temperament.  (Though Lighten Up was nothing but a positive experience.)

  But why DO I want to be on the show?  What would I get at the ranch which I don’t get here?  I’d have trainers to push me, counselors to work with me, and staff to evaluate me.  I wouldn’t have to figure out how to schedule my weight loss needs in and around the needs of the other parts of my life.  Someone else could do the thinking for me, and I'd be left with only the steps to follow.  I feel like if I were in a vacuum, maybe I’d make good headway.

  So why am I not doing it here?  Why do I still find myself overeating the Whole Grain Cheerios? – the box with the cast of the Biggest Loser on it, no less!  Why am I afraid to push myself in the gym, exercising to the point of puke or collapse?  Is it fear?  Is it ignorance?  Is it weakness?  Is it poor planning?  A combination of these and more?

  I don’t know.  But the fact is that since I’ll never be a Biggest Loser contestant, with trainers & dieticians free of charge, it really is up to me to make this happen.  I’ve got to plan, I’ve got to set some goals.  I need help.

~Karin