Yesterday morning I was feeling pretty proud of myself. I swam, I shoveled snow, I biked, and I lifted weights.
Then yesterday afternoon I was smacked in the face with why I applied to be a contestant in Lighten Up. Gathering ingredients for dinner, I came across an open tub of frosting in the fridge and I instantly wanted it. My toolbox opened up and I said aloud to myself, "You're in a contest!" I didn't touch the frosting, but the encounter set me to wanting something sweet for the rest of the day. I ended up drinking an unplanned glass of chocolate milk (Ovaltine in skim) before dinner.
In hindsight, I think I was looking for relief from the insecurity I feel in knowing that the contestants' pictures and stories will be in the paper this Sunday. Also, I had encountered a person who drips negativity. Months ago I had made an effort to remove myself from this person's circle, but we unexpectedly crossed paths yesterday. Sure enough, I was showered with passive aggressiveness. I removed myself from the situation as quickly as I could, but the damage was done. (Being a better writer than speaker, I've never been able to tell this person to back off.)
Then in the evening when I was tired but trying to stay awake to see the end of The Biggest Loser, I had a cup of chai and munched a handful of animal crackers.
All in all, skim milk-based drinks aren't bad. The problem is that I consumed them after having my trigger set. I was tired and saw a food-like substance (the frosting), which once upon a time I might have lit into with a spoon and no turning back.
The frosting will be gone by this weekend, either used for its intended purpose or thrown away by me.
I've come a long way in my fight against using food for the wrong reasons. I (have convinced myself that I) prefer fruit to cookies, and I actually do prefer homemade popcorn to processed snacks. On good days I can convince myself that I like drinking water (I'd much prefer to drink skim milk).
Temptation will always exist; if it weren't the frosting (which we normally don't have in the house – please don't lecture me about it), it would have been something else. It wasn't about the frosting. It was about using food as a comforter. I had used a lifeline and phoned a friend to discuss the day's encounter, but didn't hear back till after I had drunk the chocolate milk.
I'm not beating myself up over yesterday – I still have plenty of WW points (and earned plenty of activity points) available to me.
It's not about perfection, it's about persistence. And part of my persistence has to be strengthening my ability to use tools for their intended purpose: food is fuel for the body. Period. People and prayer are for the spirit.
Exercise goes both ways, so I'll put on my weighted gloves and get to it.
~Karin
Excuse me, but it seems to me that channeling a chocolate craving from a tub of frosting to a glass of skim-milk Ovaltine is a lot healthier than beating yourself up for doing so. Yes, it would be wonderful if you could totally eliminate your triggers, but it seems to me you took control of yours.
ReplyDeleteMark Twain wrote, "Courage is not the absence of fear." The quote is finished two different ways -- I don't know if he used it multiple times, or if one is a misquote: "Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear -- not absence of fear," and "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear." You resisted the craving and mastered the craving because you had something more important to you than the craving.