When I was treated for salivary gland cancer in 2000, I had the unique experience of losing the ability to taste. The radiation treatment burned my cheek, mouth, and throat so badly that I wore a pain patch on my left upper arm and could tolerate nothing other than unflavored ice shavings – even water hurt. I lost 40 pounds in under a month and only forced myself to eat when threatened with drastic measures. I learned what it means to "eat to live." I was eating only for physical nourishment, not for emotional relief or for the pleasure of taste.
Over time as I healed from the radiation burns, I began to regain my sense of taste, but found it altered. The first thing I could taste was salt, and I remember how good salted tortilla chips tasted – they were all I wanted to eat. In the terror that was cancer, along with all emotions and uncertainty that go into learning to be a mom, there was security in the simple ability to taste something – anything - again.
Funny thing though: I couldn't taste artificial flavors. I was heartbroken to find I couldn't enjoy my once favorite Reese's peanut butter cups or Doritos. They were just greasy, flavorless textures.
In the going-on-eleven-years since radiation treatment, I've regained my ability to taste most things. In learning to prepare nutritious food, I've taken to using diabetic cookbooks (even though no one in my family is diabetic), watching cooking shows on PBS (America's Test Kitchen calms me like nothing else can), and exploring the world of flavors through Penzey's Spices. The world that is my taste buds has very little artificial flavor. It's got some salt and sugar, but it's increasingly rich in cinnamons (did you know that different varieties have beautifully different flavors?) and basils, cumin and honey. My spice drawer runneth over!
I have to confess: When my first order from Penzey's arrived, I was confused by this thing in the box with my order. Eventually I figured out that it was a nutmeg! Who knew that nutmeg came in a form other than powder in a jar? Similarly, on a recent trip to the West Side Market, my kids were surprised to sample and learn about sugarcane. It opens the way to discussions about ecology, the global village, and our role in the world.
As I continue to develop my physical and emotional well-being, I'm having loads of fun learning how to cook with flavors. Thanks to temporarily losing my sense of taste, I learned about herbs & spices. That, my friends, is called a silver lining. And as always, I'm grateful.
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