February 4: Erised

February 4: Erised

             In Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, Hogwarts Headmaster Albus Dumbledore discovers Harry staring into the Mirror of Erised (erised being desire spelled backwards).  The mirror "shows the deepest and most desperate desire of our hearts."  Dumbledore cautions Potter that "men have wasted away their time before it, not knowing if what they have seen is real or even possible."

            In my lengthy quest of losing more than one hundred pounds, the temptation to weigh myself daily and critique my body every chance I get is strong.  There was a time when I'd weigh myself not just daily, but several times a day!  I'd weigh myself when I awoke, before and after meals, after bathroom trips – you get the idea.  I allowed a single digit to control my emotions for days. 

            Little by little though, I absorbed the lesson that Weight Watchers and others proclaim: Throw away your scale; only weigh in weekly at the meeting.  I tried.  I remember one day I hid the scale under my youngest daughter's changing table.  A funny thing happened though.  She apparently (at age 2) recognized the scale and the amount of attention I paid it daily, and after she spotted the scale in its hiding place, she brought it to me!

            I hear that there are people who refuse to look in the mirror; they don't want to see their bodies.  I, on the other hand, went through a period of near obsession with my image in the mirror.  After every workout I'd check my reflection in hopes of seeing fewer lumps and less jiggle. 

            Just like Harry needed to be shaken from his stupor before the Mirror of Erised, so did I need help to recognize and break the paralyzing hold which the scale and the mirror held on me.  I cannot control the number on the scale; I cannot control my reflection in the mirror.  I can and must control my actions and my attitude.

            The scale is now sitting quietly in its normal spot , just in my line of vision as I type.  But I'm not tempted to get on it.  I don't need it.  The scale won't help me and neither will the mirror.  They'll provide feedback of my actions, but that's it.  Life's too fleeting and precious to be spent fretting over a number or an image.  In order to give myself the best chance of a long life, I need to be healthy.  Part of becoming healthy is shedding pounds, but the greater part is so much more.

~Karin