One of my very favorite poems is "Yesterday I Cried" by Iyanla Vanzant (it's online and also in the book by the same title). The poem is an account of purposeful crying, if you will. Vanzant starts with technicalities ("I cried until my head was hurting so bad that I could hardly see the pile of soiled tissues lying on the floor at my feet"), moves into apparent reasons for her cry ("I cried for all the days that I was too busy, or too tired, or too mad to cry"), then describes growing into a place of strength and purpose ("In the midst of my crying, I felt my freedom coming, because yesterday I cried with an agenda").
While my experience yesterday wasn't nearly as eloquent, there were some similarities to Vanzant's. Early in the day I whined about my hurt feelings to the group of Friends I dubbed "My Support Team." Throughout the day I had whined to myself about having weighed in heavier at Weight Watchers on Sunday. In the afternoon I binged.
And somewhere along the way, my whining changed – I found my purpose. I remembered that in my application paragraph to Lighten Up I wrote that I needed to overcome my sweet tooth (or in yesterday's case, my salty tooth). I had been focusing lately so much on exercise (which I love) and on the progress of my fellow contestants that I was completely ignoring my weakness: eating.
So I called another dear Friend who is also a Weight Watcher and I asked her for help. And we talked, me with notebook in hand. And I could feel my focus sharpening as a plan took shape. I moved from helplessness into control. My Support Team reminded me not only of my worth but also of my strength – they reminded me of Who I Am.
This morning I feel confident. My plan is in place: I've written what I'll eat and when, so that when Life happens today, I won't find myself again panicking over what to make for lunch, then bingeing while I try to figure it out, then eating because I binged. I'm strong today.
~Karin
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