As I posted on fb, WOW (Women On Weights) was HARD today! I was the only person so I got extra lifting and extra tired. For a while I was this close to seeing spots in front of my eyes. I had choices: push through it; take a walk to the water fountain; tell my trainer what was going on. I went with choice number 3 and told David what was going on. He asked questions, I gave answers. Details, details, blah blah blah. He shifted gears and I was able to complete for my full hour of WOW (and I've got the sweat – even from my head!!! – to show for it). My muscles are still the stuff that squids are made of!
Today's WOW experience reinforced a lesson I've been learning during this Weight Loss Journey (I really loathe that term in application to me, but can't think of a better one): asking for help. I'm getting really good at it – recognizing and appreciating my need for help. Needing help is not to be confused with waiting around to be rescued. I'm actually trying to do more things than ever before, and I think I'm able to do more because I'm not trying to shoulder a burden beyond my abilities.
Once upon a time I convinced myself that I was helpless – everyone else was smarter, stronger, wittier, and prettier than I – and that therefore I shouldn't embarrass myself by even trying. I'd sit on the sidelines, support other people, hold people's purses, and watch life go gaily by. But then one day I was at the playground with my then 3-year-old son. Another little boy had climbed up on a piece of playground equipment and couldn't get down. His dad said to him: "What would you do if I wasn't here?"
I used that phrase as a touchstone when there's been something that's needed to be done. I started by trying my darndest to do it. Like that little boy atop the monkey bars, I figured that I couldn't wait to sit around waiting for someone to do things for me. Somewhere along the way I heard the phrase "It it's meant to be, it's up to me." And then I found that I'd let the pendulum swing too far that way, and I jumped into the deep end of Control Freakdom.
As the fat is being burned away from my body and my muscles are being nurtured and challenged, I'm finding that I'm finding center or balance or moderation or whatever you'd like to term it. I'm getting out there and trying things (new recipes, new clothes, harder exercise) and asking for help when I'm not sure what to do or if I can do it. The difference is profound: I'm recognizing that I am strong on my own, and that asking for help or guidance is not a sign of weakness but of strength and inevitably leads to good things.
It's a good thing I'm learning to ask for help. After today's workout, I'm going to need it!
~Karin
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