April 22

Sometimes it feels like I'm having an affair with my gym – in order to get there, I have to sneak out when the rest of the house is asleep.  It didn't work this morning.  My youngest just moved from crib to Big Girl Bed, and she happens to like me very much and to enjoy being where I am.  As soon as she's awake and knows I'm awake, she's my happy little sidekick.

So I for the past two nights I've slept horribly: half sleeping, half listening for her all night long.  Then I start worrying that if I try to sneak out of the house, my movement will alert her and she'll be on my heels, which will result in me not being able to go to the gym since no one will be up to watch her.  Have I mentioned that I'm good at worrying?

I don't know how I'm going to resolve this challenge.  I guess I'll just have to try, and if she gets up to follow me, tell her to get back in bed and be on my way. 

This little scenario led me to realize how lately I have not worked to uphold The Year of Karin.  I'm not taking care of my own needs (I've got to buy smaller pants; I need to get to sleep earlier; I need some time to recharge my batteries), so I'm letting my family down (laundry's piling up, dishes are stacking up, I feel overwhelmed at the thought of planning next week's meals).  This attitude results in my not being able to help support my family in their daily challenges. 

I need to find a way to get me back on the map so that I can steer my family through choppy waters and enjoy the calm waters with them.  Abandoning ship is not an option.

~Karin