May 23: Self-reliance and Food

Near the start of Lighten Up, I was reading The Amazing Adventures of Dietgirl by Shauna Reid.  It's her autobiographical account of losing more than 175 pounds.  For the most part, it was a good read - funny and motivational - though there was one part which unnerved me.  Having attended Weight Watchers meetings for years, she reached a point where she decided that she could do it on her own.

Now, if you've ever attended a Weight Watchers meeting, you know that the staff (rightly) preaches the importance of attending meetings.  How many times have I heard that if I've had a bad week, I need them, and if I've had a good week, they need us?  Commonly quoted are statistics describing how members who stay for the meetings are far more successful than those who weigh and leave.  And I can see why.  Over the years, I've found attending meetings to be inspirational and motivational.  I've gained support, made friendships, learned tips and more.

And yet this weekend I made a change.  I switched my membership from the meeting model to the online one.  There were a host of reasons, but the most significant one relates to what I wrote here on May 21: I've learned to depend on me.

Just like I've learned to depend on myself to get myself to the gym and to challenge myself there ,and just  like I have taken my knowledge from spin class and used it on my own on the recumbent bike, I feel knowledgeable enough and emotionally strong enough to give this a whirl on my own two feet.  I need to try.

And yet I can't let go of WW entirely just yet, so I'm sticking with the online program for now.  I like the resource of support and information.  And really, the kicker is the online weight tracker.  As I move forward without weekly meetings, though, I'm doing so in the security that I still have an excellent support system in the form of my family and friends.

Do I still think Weight Watchers meetings are beneficial?  Just like anything else in life: they're as beneficial as we make them.  There's no way I could have lost more than 50 pounds so far without them.  I had neither the knowledge, the belief in myself, nor the resilience to persevere.  And who knows – maybe I'll find myself back in meetings again within a few months.  But for now I've got to try.

If you read the rest of Shauna Reid's journey at her website, you'll see that since the book, she's regained a significant amount of weight.  I realize that's a possibility for me too, if I don't stick to what I've learned.  I think that one thing I have going for me is that, opposed to earlier times in my life, this time I'm not cocky enough to say "I know all this - I don't need WW" and walk away.  Rather, I'm testing myself.  I'm seeing whether I can actually live what I've been learning.

I've got to see whether I can depend on myself in this part of my life, too. I want to prove to myself that I can.

~Karin