My Secret Dream

I want to dance.

I want to do like the magnets say and "dance like no one is watching."  I want to take my little kitchen dances with my kids and my dog and expand it.

I love to watch So You Think You Can Dance every summer.  I love to watch Mama Mia and every wedding movie that has dancers in it.

I never attended high school dances, and though I attended middle school dances, I'm not sure I ever danced.

The last time I danced with joy - with middle school choir to Madonna's True Blue - a friend of mine laughed at me and my swinging hips (I don't remember all of it, but I do remember the laughing, the pointing, the "boom! boom!").  And from then on I barely moved for choir choreography, and I learned to be self-critical before others laid into me.

Wedding after wedding -- even my own -- I've been too self-conscious to dance.  I'm a sad geek who encourages her husband to go dance with others rather than sit on the sidelines with me.  (It takes a lot of convincing, but I can usually at least get him to leave my side for a polka.)

Now that The Biggest Loser isn't on Tuesdays, I've started watching Glee.  I borrowed the first two seasons from the library, and naturally I loved it.  Singing, dancing -- what's not to love?

One of my favorite numbers is this: Artie's Safety Dance.  Like Artie, I want to break out of what holds me back.  I would love to learn to do Artie's routine, complete with confidence & attitude, but for know I'd settle for having the courage to dance with my husband at a wedding reception tonight.

Week in Review

I had a pretty successful week.  I...
  *  worked out at the track 4 days
  *  jogged the track 3 times 
  *  bicycled errands
  *  didn't break into the kids' sugar bomb cereal
  *  had salad for 4 meals
  *  tried pilates
  *  registered my boy and me for a 5K training program -- committing us to train for and participate in an October 5K
  *  planted a garden with my girls
  *  danced in the kitchen with my youngest and our dog
  *  lost 2 pounds! 

Next week's goals:
  *  20 push-ups a day  (or 20 planks of at least 30 seconds each, during the week)
  *  find a stretching program
  *  do all my 5K training homework

 

P is for...

Today's adventure was brought to me by the letter P.  P is a fun letter.  It's used for push-ups and pedal.  It's also used for pilates, and since pilates looks like pirate, and I got a kick out of the pirate triathlon last summer, certainly I'd get a kick out pilates, too.  What's not to love?  Holding poses, seeing how long your muscles can hold out. Sounds like weightlifting, and I love weight lifting.

I. don't. like. pilates.  And here's why.

1.  Lack of endorphin rush.
2.  I spend lots of energy trying to uncramp my neck scar tissue and losing focus on what the exercises are meant to do.  And doing those bicycle things and scissor kicks while lying down makes my back and hip sound and feel like a pan of JiffyPop.
3.  No endorphins.  None.
4.  This is the big one for me, I think.  In addition to determination, pilates requires prolonged concentration and self-coaching.  When I exercise, I'm all about being my challenger and my cheerleader.  Concentrating is no fun.  Exercise for me needs some play.
5.  Did I mention that there are no endorphins to be found in a pilates workout?
6.  Unfortunately I ended up next to someone who's been practicing pilates for 8 years.  That person was probably a very nice person, but for the first time in a long time I couldn't get past feeling judged -- and the person probably wasn't even looking at me!  But because there was nothing to do but think about owies and not tipping over or how goofy I felt lying on my back with my feet way up there...  Nope the whole thing made me uncomfortable.

But one of the magnets on my refrigerator reads "Life begins at the end of your comfort zone."  Maybe I need to give pilates another chance -- stare it down, win the battle, and discover the treasure that makes it so popular with so many people.  I hope there are endorphins.

Happy-Dance Time!

Dear Whole Wide World,

I could hardly wait to get home and write.  Guess what I did this morning. 

I jogged 1/4 mile three times! 

I was going to be ecstatic enough after my first jogging lap, but by the time I'd finished a walking lap after that, I found myself jogging a second lap!

During my first lap I was jogging like Estelle Getty's "Sophia" on Golden Girls: shuffling, a little hunched over.  That, I decided, was probably why my upper back was hurting.  So when I started breathing again, I reminded myself to follow Cathy's advice and keep my shoulders back.  It worked!

I found my throat closing up almost immediately, par for the course when I jog.  This time though, I heard followed Carol's advice and thought for a minute to figure out what was bothering me -- was it physical or mental?  Turns out it was mental, the old self esteem issues.  I was really afraid of passing the walkers in front of me, for fear of being seen as slow, fat, and weak (ironic that I was afraid of being seen as slow if I was passing them, and weak when I was strong enough to push myself, but such is self esteem).  So I decided to jog behind them; not like a stalker, but using them like that little guy I follow when I Wii jog.  Whatever works.

During my second jogging lap I started a cadence, thanks to Kim.  Kim has a goal to weigh less than her husband, even for a day.  I love that goal and I decided a couple weeks ago that I'm going to weigh less than my husband.  It's a goal that makes me smile.  So when that lap started getting hard, I started "Less - than - Pat. (step)  Less - than - Pat. (step.)"  It worked!  I got through the mentally hardest part of the track!

During my third jogging lap I thought about how even though I was doing a solo workout, I was far from alone. 
  *  My dad was with me -- I saw his hospital room, where we spent our last days together; the track & football field I was on was one of his coaching grounds. 
  *  Cathy, Carol, and Kim were with me in the advice and inspiration they've shared with me.
  *  My husband was there in the pace that I kept.
  *  My kids were there in the memory of the times we've tracked together.
  *  The midges were there in a swirling banner of celebration.
  *  The Spirit that comes with the rising sun, with rushing wind, with silver clouds, and with water and trees was there, fully alive.
  *  And as luck would have it, there were three other people on the track.  While I was on my cool-down lap, one of the three happened to reshape the bumper on the car I'd driven.  C'est la vie.

I started jogging this morning because I'm going to register for this.  "This" is a 5K training program being run by Euclid Parks & Rec.  We'll meet Saturday mornings for a hour and have jogging homework.  Hopefully I've convinced a couple people I know to join me because I can't deny that I have doubts that I'll be able to jog a 5K by October. 

But I won't deny myself the thrill of trying.

Sparky

Dear Diary,

That inner spark I visualized yesterday was very snug and sleep this morning!  But knowing that there was a sunrise, a cool breeze, and a lake near the track, I made my spark get up and get going.

Biking to the track, I was surprised to ride past the Widow Maker (that awful bump in the sidewalk) and realize I hadn't even noticed it. 

Oh it felt so, so good to be at the track again this morning.  Once I got going, I didn't even miss my music. (St. Anthony, where is my mp3 player?).  The midges, the sun, and the moon were all up at the same time.

There'll be plenty of track time this weekend -- it's Relay for Life weekend at Euclid High School stadium.  It's always a good event, and this time I'll have the right footwear (no walking in sandals for me this year!).

I'm glad to go into the weekend with a plan to keep working out.  I've had enough time out for a while, now it's time in!

dee-nyed

Did anyone ever say that a little rejection is good for the soul?  If not, let me be the first.

When I learned today that I didn't get the job -- the job for which I think I'm well suited, which I was excited about, which seemed a perfect match -- my reaction was "They didn't want me.  What's wrong with me?"

I started humming Loser. 

And then, lo and behold, I felt that little spark of competition come me to life in me; the flame that I haven't felt in months.

Everything's been coming too easily of late: surgery, illness, death -- it's all been dumped by the gods of Reckless Abandon.

My tune switched to We're Not Gonna Take It.

Yesterday I walked 3.5 miles.

Tomorrow I jog.

Then I'm going in search of a kickboxing class.

The Adventure of the Bike & the Dog

Last year around this time I'd just rediscovered the joy and freedom of bicycling.  I pedaled around a nearby parking lot, reacquainting myself with the feel of turning, experimenting with the front & back brakes, and talking with enough people who didn't laugh at me that I cultivated some confidence.

Over the summer, my bike acquired a wardrobe of its own: water bottle holder, bike lock, baby bike seat, fancy bike-o-meter to tell me how fast & far I'd traveled. 

(yes, the baby seat is gone, but that's for another posting)



As for me I got a new helmet and even bike gloves for chilly morning rides.  I was becoming a regular at the local bike shop.

This weekend I found myself once again in the bike shop, this time with my daughter to buy her very first bike lock.  There's nothing like being in a bike shop to get the juices flowing.

So this morning when I arrived at the gym, having noticed joggers out in the morning sunshine, and found my workout buddy AWOL and that the gym was stuffy, and that I couldn't stand to be on a machine while watching sunlight flooding the golf course just outside the window...

Have you ever seen a dog riding a bike?  Me neither. 

(photo: google,  shannyjeanmaney.com)

I have seen dogs in bike baskets, 

(photo: google, tbs.com)

but my 60-pound dog isn't in love with the idea.



When I was a child, I had a neighbor who would take his dog Samson with him on his bike rides.  I really didn't think much of it at the time.  I just knew that every day Samson and his owner could be seen on their 4-legged, 2-wheeled outings.

Now before you go getting any ideas about hopping on your bike and taking your untrained dog along with you, stop.  Read up on it, and you'll learn things like:

  *  Holding your dog's leash while you ride isn't safe.  A better choice is a leash attachment which attaches under a bike seat (like this).  It keeps your hands free for steering and braking, while keeping the dog in a good spot relative to the bike.

  *  Acquaint your dog with your bike. For us, that means taking some walks with me on one side, the bike in the middle, and my dog on the other side.  My dog naturally steered clear of the front wheel, and looked at the bike every now and then as if to a pack leader, waiting for instructions. 

  *  Teach your dog verbal cues for turning and stopping.

  *  Make good and sure that your dog is well-trained and not apt to lunge after squirrels, joggers, or other temptations. 

  *  And though my dog wasn't up to demonstrating, Always wear a helmet while biking -- even more always if there's a dog attached to your bike.