June 14: a different kind of workout

  Today's going to be a forced day off from training.  The cause is not an injury, thank goodness, but a realization that I haven't taken a day off since June 5 (it's best to take one day of rest each week) and that I need to get my act together as far as having my kids home from school with me for the summer.

 

  I struggle with the usual mommy angst: being a good mom but wanting to break out of routine.  Our kids are too young to be left alone while I jaunt off to do something fun for me, and I'm reluctant to look for someone to watch the kids if there's nothing I need to get done.  They're my kids and my responsibility to be with them.  My husband's already working two jobs; I feel like a spoiled brat for wanting the luxury of me time.

 

  And yet I want it.

 

  I struggle with finding activities that interest an age range spanning from 3-11 plus 37, and that can be started or stopped at the drop of a hat as other playmates wander through.  I struggle and struggle, then find myself crying in the laundry room or looking for food to numb the bewilderment and fatigue.

 

  Do I get time for me?  Yes, absolutely.  In these early hours I have time to exercise or write or read.  It's my choice to exercise rather than do something imaginative like window shop.  And on days when I'm lucky, even my littlest will play with the neighbor kids for fifteen minutes before running back to wrap herself around my leg.  In those minutes, the easiest task to complete is eating something, making something disappear.  It's way harder to cut fabric strips or sew pieces together; it's less tempting to fold laundry again or to pick up the clutter again.

 

  So since I'm taking a day off from the gym, I'm going to see about taking things step by step.  Maybe I'll clear the kitchen table entirely (again) so the kids can have their meals & snacks there.  Then I can have the dining table set up all day with my sewing toys, allowing me to sneak in some moments of progress and eventually be able to show some accomplishment in something.  What I'd love to do is just go to a non-grocery store and simply look around and see things and get new ideas.

 

  I'll also continue to cherish this struggle: the struggle of having my kids so much a part of my life.  The days when they'll grow up and move on draw ever closer on the horizon, and I want to be happy and healthy with them while they're still close to the shores of home.

 

~Karin