Refrigerator Wisdom

From the magnets on my refrigerator:

Live life as if you were to die tomorrow,

Learn as if you were to live forever.

~Gandhi

Life the life you have imagined.

~Thoreau

Peace comes from within.

Do not seek it without.

~Buddha

Create.

You have the power to change the world for the better

~anonymous

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.

~Walsch

Be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.

In the noisy confusion of life,

keep peace in your soul.

~Ehrmann

Forty Days

As a student in a Catholic elementary school, I was taught early on that there was a time every year when we were to promise to give up something we liked.  There were always the clever ones who vowed to give up homework or cleaning their rooms, but by and large the most common jetsam on this holy voyage was candy.

When I was a bit older, we were taught that Lent wasn't about just giving up chocolate,  but about finding a way to be closer to God.  We were encouraged to still sacrifice, but also to add something for forty days: pray for a few minutes every day, help someone, or even go to Mass a little more often.

Older still, as I struggled with weight I toyed with the idea of using Lent as a Forty Day Holy Diet.  After all, I could kill two birds with one stone: give up junk food, add exercise; eat less, move more -- and get Bonus Holy Points.  But that idea didn't really sit well with my soul, seeming too trite.

Today it's Ash Wednesday again, and I'm surprised to find myself excited about Lent.  It's no longer a time of giving up something just because someone said so, and it's no longer a time of saying prayers to please a distant god.  At this place in my journey, I'm drawn to a universal language of creation and life and sacred.

This year I'm also not looking at Lent as Forty Days, but as an amount of time in which to live my life a little differently and to being open to the results.  It's my hope that my physical journey will twine with my spiritual journey, and create something new and beautiful, something which my Creator, the One Who Gave Me Life, wants for me.

(For those unfamiliar with Ash Wednesday & Lent, here's a link to a very good 2-minute video clip about the two.)

Of Laces & Leashes

Our dog doesn't have as many legs as your average dog, so it's extremely important that she maintain low body fat and strong muscles, which translates into a healthy diet and plenty of exercise.  Sound familiar?

In caring for my little tripod, I'm incidentally caring for myself.  I'm approaching exercise with a new perspective.  These days I'm not sentencing myself to day after tedious day at the gym, where I rely on a soundtrack to break up the boredom.  With my dog, I've traded in my playlist of drum machines, synthesizers, and someone else's lyrics for a chirping robin, a crying seagull, and my own thoughts.  And of course the jingle-jingle of tags, collar, and leash.

Heaven bless my husband for helping me give myself permission to not go to the gym every day.  The gym is there for when I need it, which isn't necessarily every day.  What matters to me is that I'm healthy, and for me health needs outdoor time. 

Luckily for me, my dog and I need the same things: exercise, good food, love, play time, and discipline.

I'm looking forward to many more mornings of lacing up my shoes despite my dog's eager assistance, and to exploring Life together, joined to each other not just by our leash, but by so much more.

Apparently this is The Day

My Dear Friend,


I've spent quite an amount of time lately trying to understand God, questioning, exploring, opening,  and coming to new understandings.  In that new understanding I recently prayed a private prayer. 


This morning for the first time in months I felt a twinge in my back when I tied my shoes, my knee felt wobbly on the stair, and somewhere in my head refrains from my Catholic school days came back to me, focused on part of Psalm 118:24 (yes, I  had to google it): "This is the day..."


The rest becomes poetry and paint and prayer that I will not share here, my Friend.  I trust you'll understand that those are too fragile for our forum. 


What I hope to be able to share with you in the days ahead is the effect.

Overcoming Helter Skelter

I'm not sure whether to blame it on the death of my dog in November, or the ramped up holiday schedule, or the pressure to resolve myself into a perfect person for the New Year. Perhaps it was nervous energy about the long road ahead between where I am and where I want to be in terms of weight, parenting, career, and self. Maybe it was because the triathlons aren't until (at the same time already in!) July but other mettle-proving events come up much earlier.

Whatever the cause, I can only say that I cracked under the pressure. Going to the gym on a regular basis - whether early morning, midday, or night - was a struggle which took more energy than I held in reserve. At best I was getting there twice a week, but I'm pretty sure once a week was it.

My food intake was out of whack and out of control. With each unhealthy bite I imagined myself an alcoholic reaching for the bottle. I saw it but I was too wiped out to stop it.

Volunteering at three different schools (if I don't do it, who will?), at my place of worship, and at an animal shelter; navigating vegetarian recipes for me with kid-friendly recipes for my finicky one with regular good food for the rest of the family; holding it together under the requests and demands of family; losing sight of my husband, my friends, and me. No wonder I couldn't summon the energy to get out of bed at 5:30a.m. and found myself falling asleep at 8:00p.m.

In the last week or two I gave myself permission to not go to the gym for a while. I made the moderate choice to take our new dog for walks. I gave myself permission for one bite of foods I had mentally banished. I gave myself permission to not write and to not feel guilty or scared about not writing. I eased up on myself.

True to form, I let my worries build up in me. There were times when the external demands have been so great that I all I could do was cover my head, tornado drill style, and hope it would all pass me by.

It was pointed out to me several months ago - and it's stuck with me - that in the Christian "Our Father" one prays for "our daily bread," not for a week's worth, a year's worth, or a lifetime's worth. The wisdom is akin to that of eastern teachings: "Be here now."

My body is a symbol for my life. Right now it shows the effects of living completely helter skelter. It has poor posture and full saddle bags. I want my body to reflect the care I put into my life: good posture, strong muscles, leaner lines.

I want to take care of myself so that I can do all those things which are important to me and be there to help those I love.

I wonder: Should I continue blogging?

Dear Diary,

I've been overwhelmed by the task of writing lately. 

I wonder
whether anyone beyond loved ones read what I write or are positively affected by what I write
whether my writings are less reflective and more self indulgent
whethr there is a need in the world for this blog.

I'm certainly finding my way toward balance -- no longer consumed  by fitness I'm making it a smaller piece of my life.  I'm working on eating healthfully, mindfully.

Life holds so many interesting lessons and activities.

Do I keep blogging?

BL:13-2

The Biggest Loser is the only show on television I make time to watch. This season, inspired by the example of Marie, a friend I've never met (here's her blog), I've decided to indulge myself in a weekly post about my thoughts of and reaction to the show. In thanks to Marie for showing me it's okay to write about a TV show and as a tool to help myself write my weekly BL pieces, I think I'll address these to Marie. But even if your name isn't Marie, you're welcome to read.


Dear Marie,


It's Tuesday afternoon, just hours away from the next episode of BL, and I still haven't written to you about last week's episode.  I blame it on:


* the dog we adopted on Wednesday morning following the show -- meaning I was busy getting to know her while watching the show I'd recorded

* and the little bit of annoyed I'm getting by the tone of this season so far.  The trainers are coming across as petulant divas, as evidenced by Bob's pouting "I can't believe he's using my exercises to train his team." I need less focus on trainer drama and more focus on the contestants.

Nonetheless I did get one-and-a-half things out of the episode.

1.  When a nutritionist had all the contestants in a grocery store, she said to them (lightning bolt moment for me): "Treat your grocery cart like your stomach."  And I thought to myself "Why didn't I think of that before?"  With the exception of meat of any variety, if it ends up in my cart, there's a strong chance it'll end up in me. So why, why, why do I purchase foods I have so little control over?

.5  At the end of the show a player was booted off just as he was beginning to crack the shell of his angst.  I'm glad I have it recorded, because I think there was something to that part.  Too bad he went home just then and the producers didn't delve deeper in his exit interview.

I won't be around to watch tonight's episode either, Marie, but I can hardly wait to make time to watch it.